# 37
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For a brief moment, Ariana was almost taken aback, thinking that Kenneth cared about her well-being.
But, as expected, this was not the case.
'Of course, he's just worried that I'll be a burden on his family's affairs.'
He wasn't worried about her personally. Fortunately, she wasn't expecting anything from him.
“I apologize. I was busy in the capital, so I got tested now, albeit late.”
“Ariana, it's good that you're being aware, but can't you change that 'I'm sorry'?”
“I clearly see that you are trying to cover everything up with that word in every conversation.”
Ariana closed her mouth, unable to understand what response he wanted from her.
She was examined as usual, so what's wrong with that?
'It's like when the Empress sent the baby's dress.'
Kenneth is always upset for mysterious reasons, no matter what situation you are in. Ariana hugged the blanket and whispered in a low voice.
“…I will make sure not to cause a disturbance in the south.”
She decided not to mention anything about the tests or the doctor in the future.
Inwardly, she made a calm decision.
Kenneth looked at the woman, who was bent over like a defeated man, with hard, steely eyes.
If she was going to be honest with him about the examination, she should have said so before they rolled together. Or even before that, in the palace.
His feeling that there was something he should have known and did not know aroused a strong sense of defeat.
“You're really boring me, Ariana.”
He left the room angrily.
* * *
As she fell asleep to the staccato rhythm of the train, Ariana dreamed of her days before death.
Late one night, she stood in her bedroom in her pajamas, cradling her swollen belly.
'I wish the dream was about seeing Pepe's face.'
Not the time when she was floundering alone with her swollen belly, but those few happy days when she was holding her baby girl.
If he had been, she wouldn't have been alone in this silent prison-like room.
'I didn't see Kenneth much at that time.'
Kenneth was absent for a long period during her pregnancy with Baby. He wasn't sharing his life with her, and Ariana was busy enduring the painful days of pregnancy sickness alone.
But in the dream, she was able to look at the situation with a more objective mind.
'...Was Kenneth in Parliament then?'
At that time, I heard the servants talking a lot about the war.
Various nations were vying for maritime dominance to expand their territories in the new continent.
‘That was unfavorable to the Clifford family.’
If war breaks out, tourism and daily consumer goods will be wiped out.
But when the door opened, a man appeared standing against the light, casting a long shadow.
“Kenneth.”
“Why at this time...?”
He had just arrived at the palace late at night, still in his going out clothes, looking at her steadily.
He had always been a scary and difficult person, but at that time, he seemed sharper than usual.
He approached her without words and held her hand.
“What are you doing so stupidly?”
“What did I do...”
“You are not on a hunger strike to protest, so what is this view?”
Ariana looked at her holding hand.
Her wrist seemed strangely fragile in his large hand. During that period, she lost a lot of weight due to pregnancy nausea and stress.
But why was Kenneth so frowning at her situation?
“Why, the hell, didn’t you tell me until you got into this state?”
“Ariana, answer me.”
In the past, when she was full of hope, she might have thought his anger was a kind of worry, and she also believed that Josefina's anger was love.
But, after waiting so long and feeling abandoned, she was foolishly unhappy.
“…why are you angry?”
"What?"
"It's okay now. You know very well that people don't die from this, so there's no need to worry."
“No need to worry? Huh...”
Kenneth pressed his hand to his forehead as if to hold back his anger. When he raised his hand, his eyes were clouded with resentment and anger.
“If you were sick, shouldn't you have told me?”
"How long have you been like this? Did you expect me to notice on my own if you didn't foolishly tell me?"
"… I don't know."
“Ariana, are you playing with me now-”
“From the beginning of our marriage until now, everything has been painful, so I don’t know when it hasn’t been painful.”
At that moment, Kenneth stopped talking as if Ariana had punched him.
Ariana looked at him with blank eyes.
“Since our marriage, until now.”
“Every day has been painful, so I don't know what to report, or if I'm normal.”
When she always wanted him to be by her side, he was always absent. What's the point of him coming back now?
Ariana took her hand out of his loose grip and whispered.
“Anyway, this child did not come from true love.”
“So, you don't have to worry about me like that.”
Ariana was simply telling the truth.
The night she became pregnant with Baby was due to a mysterious whim of Kenneth, and she knew very well that love was not there.
In the dream, Ariana looked at the silent Kenneth steadily.
'Has he worn this expression before?'
His mouth was tightly closed, his eyes hardened, looking puzzled as if it were a riddle he couldn't understand.
“……If you are not going to die, show it by your actions.”
“Don't let anyone say you're skipping meals. If you want something, say it clearly.”
Will you trust me if I say something?
The time has passed when she desperately needed warm attention from others.
So, she didn't want anything specific, but the next day, the trifle was served as an afternoon snack.
Although she had lived as a duchess for a long time, this was the first time she had been offered something that suited her taste.
She didn't touch it.
Weeks later, Baby was born.
But the next year, Bebe died, and Ariana died after her.
There is nothing left.
'No, Kenneth stayed.'
But after the temporary shock, he will advance to the next stage of his life.
So, it was true that there was nothing left between them.
* * *
Every night, after Kenneth finished reviewing the work, he had a doctor's examination. Even with this sudden trip, this routine has not changed.
“Sir, this is a new tonic I prescribed for you.”
Kenneth held a white box comfortably.
Since he ran the business alone, he always lacked sleep. Instead of slowly catching up, opt for deep sleep quickly with the help of medications.
The doctor showed displeasure, but preventing fatigue was enough. To be precise, Kenneth didn't want to sleep deeply at all.
Fearing that he would lose control while he was asleep without his knowledge.
“But I heard that Ariana summoned you today.”
“It was nothing big, sir.”
Dr. Piyali answered quickly.
“It was just nervous.”
"Sometimes, sensitive people suffer from this when stressed. I prescribed her a suitable medication."
“I understand. But, Doctor-”
Kenneth turned to Dr. Bialy, who was relieved.
“There is nothing ‘simple’ about the Duchess.”
Dr. Bialy looked clearly surprised, but Kenneth was still controlling his anger well.
Ariana asking if she should tell him about a bad situation drove him crazy, as did the fact that another man noticed it even more, crushing his pride.
Ariana, why do you always make me feel this sense of defeat...
“Doctor, I know how grateful I am for your help in difficult times.”
“There is no need to talk about this...”
"But I am the one who judges the Duchess's affairs. Bring the examination record."
Dr. Piyali's face turned pale until his black mustache looked blacker. But after receiving clear instructions, he could no longer feign ignorance.
When the doctor presented Ariana's examination record with a resigned expression, the corners of Kenneth's mouth stiffened even more.