Chapter Fourteen
.Chapter fourteen.
I closed my eyes tightly.
Ian, it doesn't seem like it was a message.
Of course, without a doubt, there was no consultation with anyone, but it was his own creation, based on his own mind.
I decided to hide this letter away somewhere deep.
When I returned home after a long absence, I felt a little strange.
Maybe it's because I spent so much time in the small place that the house seemed too big to me. I started looking around the house in a new way, and noticed that the maids' faces reminded me of some things, so I quickly averted my eyes to avoid looking at them.
I had no desire to confront them after all. No matter that these kids can't understand shyness, the fact that they were looking at me so excitedly made me feel embarrassed.
Risdell was so excited that she wouldn't stop roaming around me like a dog when it meets its owner after a long absence.
After that incident, Rhysdale and Hanna became very close friends, so I decided to bring Hanna in as my maid as well. This was meant for us to adapt and depend on each other in this place.
However, today, I began to doubt the validity of my choice.
Finally, I decided to get rid of them.
“…Can you go to the kitchen and get some snacks?”
Hana quickly left after hearing that. Then I looked at Rysdahl and said:.
“Rysdale seems to be getting bored of putting flowers in the vase. I want to see your skills. Pick some beautiful flowers from the garden and bring them to me.”
"Of course, ma'am. I'll come back with the most beautiful bouquet in the world!"
Risdell started off excitedly.. This was just a temporary outage.
Even the abuser was moving awkwardly, and even the maids were walking around pleasantly when they normally had a more serious walk. It may take time to calm these children down and make them become calmer.
I remembered my old days of raising dogs and how to calm them down when they became agitated. It was better to relieve the pressure on them, and one of the best ways to do this was to take a walking tour.
I have to go out with the kids to walk around for a while.
When a person has done his work and lies down to rest, he begins to think about the things that have accumulated far away.
This was the case with Bernhard as well.
After successfully protecting Raina from his father's influence and hiding her safely, he had time to think about the matters that were weighing heavily on his heart.
“Carmella, you should apologize to her. In the end, it was all a misunderstanding. But you were too weak to get over yourself and stop hurting her.”
Even though it was all just a misunderstanding, he couldn't control his anger and beat her up. It was because he was unable to overcome his feelings and anger.
At that moment, he began to understand her behavior. At first, he didn't understand why, but now he could explain her behavior.
She was disappointed in him after she thought she had betrayed him, and as she got to know Raina more, she began to think he had betrayed her. In that moment, she had anger, disappointment and everything coming together.
“Her words were true. Instead of bowing down and being idle for her, I should have acted properly.”
For the first time, he began to think from other people's point of view. He did nothing, neither on the one hand, nor on the other. He didn't make a clear decision, didn't take responsibility, didn't give up or complete anything.
He was treated as if he was receiving unwanted orders, and he believed he was being coerced.
So, move on to thinking about the next step.
“Anyway, I have to apologize to her and pay the price in any way.”
He also began to think about leaving the family. A person who killed a family knight couldn't be his family anymore.
He clearly understood now that if he had to choose between family and Raina, he would choose Raina.
This human cannot be part of Demeter's family.
When this human decides something, he moves with frightening speed.
After organizing everything, he finally decides to win the palace's dueling competition and build his place himself, then propose to Raina.
“This is probably the best option for him and his future.”
Even if there was a lot to lose, he didn't mind taking responsibility.
He was just sorry for the parents who checked the forecast on him. But that's all.
He had no intention of backing down from his decision. This was the decision he made after feeling remorse for several days.
“I'm planning to leave the family. I may not see you soon.”
The face of Zedd who was holding a dice board to play with looked strange. He raised one eyebrow and looked at Bernhard as if he were looking at a stranger.
"What? What's this crazy talk?"
Then he placed the game board on the table and began to open it and pick up the pieces.
“Why don't we play a board game instead? Since you like this game, and things are so annoying these days.”
But Bernhard stopped and sat on the floor with the game pieces in his hands.
The smooth white ceramic piece fell onto the plate.
“Ah, what is this? What will I do if it flips over? I placed it carefully.”
Without looking back at what he did, Bernhard said to Zed.
“Sorry, I don't have time to play these games right now. I have to solve my cases now.”
Bernhard said in a slightly soft tone, perhaps to indicate that he might be in a bad mood.
Then Zed raised his head and said, "How about tomorrow? Do you have time tomorrow? Or do you have a similar problem? You used to like this game, didn't you?"
Zedd's red eyes looked towards Bernhard. He trusted that Bernhard would enjoy the game, and he had no doubt that he would refuse.
At these moments, Zaid seemed like a boy trying to convince the young man to do a certain thing. So he always felt weak.
But in the end, Bernard sighed.
"Zedd. I don't have fun playing board games like this anymore. I don't have time to spend precious time on such matters."
Zed answered with a strange look as he looked at the game piece lying down. The smooth white piece shows signs of use due to repeated play since childhood.
It was always a constant that brought happiness.
He seemed to be trying to understand things, but couldn't quite picture them.
As if he was trying to put a piece of a puzzle in its familiar place, but discovered that the puzzle had changed. “Why?” He seemed to be asking.
“I'm no longer attached to board games, I don't have time to play them, I have to deal with my responsibilities and people who depend on me for work.”
Zaid was left alone without any thought, and he quickly rolled the dice.
The dice collided with each other and produced a variety of numbers.
“But still, it seems like it's no fun when playing alone.”
There was something missing, and at the same time nothing was missing. If I must elaborate, it is like the feeling that the furniture that should be there ordinarily has declared its independence and left, as if this feeling were strange.
"Why does everything seem to want to stay in place? Why do variables always appear in the future?"
And why does Bernhard always seem to want to get out of his place?.
“You want to leave the family? I don’t have the strength to return you to your original place.”
Zedd's red eyes contracted with excitement and turned into a frown.
He only had one place to be.
If only one condition is adhered to, namely not to change, he will not lose anything.
He believed that the future he had in mind would remain constant when the variables were removed. He thought he had found a stable structure for the relationship.
How can it be controlled... Is it a threat? No, he's heading out. Actual destruction? He simply didn't want to break things. He just wanted to return it to its original place.
If you hit him directly, it will be easy to control him from behind. Imagine him returning his trusted friend and the King's Sword to their normal, proper state.
“All the way to normality. The King, the family, and I, as always, must perform our duties.”
He concluded it like this.
Can we remove variables? If the drivers for change are removed, nothing will change anymore and will remain in place.
He lightly tapped the table with his finger and said with a smile.
“Once the mind is cooled, everything will gradually return to normal.”
He will see how there is no point in changing. He will see that he cannot make a change.
"Leaving the family? This is an unbelievable story. You can't believe this crazy story is true."
Zed decided that this was because Bernhard was stupid and did not know his true worth.
He touched the white horse that was lying next to him slightly with his finger.
As expected, he seemed to need an owner.
Of course, it was an extremely arduous task, but he thought that this direct and powerful aspect was a valuable advantage, so he didn't think that he would suffer a big loss when he returned.
He also had a desire to relive the fun times they had together playing board games again, and this was something that made him happy.
It was surprising that the daily routine that existed in the place had somehow disappeared, which was an ominous feeling for a few.
After I looked outside, the weather was suitably clear. The sun was shining transparently, its light strong enough without being annoying. It was a clear, sunny day.
I received this with joy and said:.
“This is the perfect day to see street performers...”
The weather was beautiful and my body felt light.
With the company of the guards and my service, I went to the “Jeba” Arts Street, where I often went.
Stopping there every now and then to see the artists' paintings on display and support them or buy their paintings was one of my favorite hobbies.
Listening to music in the streets also had its own taste. The street poets who recited poems had a kind of charm and freshness that differed from the writers invited on the stage.
"It's a beautiful poem. I hope you have good luck."
I smiled and put a large sum of money in his hat.
I looked around to see the paintings displayed on the street and listened to the music coming from it. I knew that there were those who did not have support yet, so I decided to buy their paintings and listen to the music coming from the streets.
“Here things are still the same.”
I couldn't help but smile. I felt as if time had neither moved forward nor gone back here, and this gave me a feeling of comfort.
Although there may be some unexpected songs, it is interesting to know their different interpretation. Even the same song can be played here with different and unconventional interpretations.
I slowly wandered through the streets, enjoyed the paintings and finally went to the studio I always go to.
Artists deliver their paintings in this studio and they are displayed to visitors and sold to interested clients.
“Are you going to go to the poor artists’ studio again? You are so kind at heart.”
Risdell, who was walking beside me, was noticing my direction.
“But those who painted those paintings in the studio are still alive, right?”
This was an unexpected response, but after a moment of thought Risdell replied:.
“Most of those who painted beautiful paintings are dead. But what is really important is whether the key to the beauty of their painting is in whether the artist himself is alive or not.”
As I inspected the artists who make a living from their art in the streets, I answered:.
"For paintings by people who have passed away, they can be beautiful, complete and authentic. However, those who benefit from the paintings financially are not necessarily these artists."