Chapter Twenty-Nine
.Chapter twenty-nine.
"This can't be believable. He killed my mother and left her. He killed everything I had and offered himself in her place. This can't be believable... But he was always coming, talking and trying... So I couldn't die in that moment. Mr. Berne kept his promise. So I couldn't die. I wanted to live again."
Her eyes looked like they would melt.
"But why? Why is it always just me? Why do I always have to compromise? Do I always have to run away and hide because I'm not human?"
Then she raised her head and looked at me deeply. Her eyes were filled with desperation, tenderness and fear at the same time.
I did not know this terrifying look on the part of this broken-down person.
But this fear did not let me run away.
I couldn't cry with her, but I didn't hate this woman, nor did I ignore her because of her words.
I was just an ordinary human being, I didn't have a heart of justice, and I didn't have a heart of revenge.
As a normal human being, after taking my endless lips from her, she asked:.
“If... if nothing happens and Bernhard becomes attached to another noblewoman instead of you, and if Bernhard waits for you to return like she waited for your mother... will you return to him...”
While saying this, I realized how cruel this life is. That girl's life revolved around endless waiting and losing everything, and she had no choice but to flee and give up on a daily basis.
I didn't know that this was a normal thing for so many.
Everyone has their story.
But I met Rina more deeply than others, which is why her words resonated with me so much.
It was the child's life taken away, which was supposed to be her joy and light.
If you were only able to say one word to calm her down, you would create a miracle for this little girl.
Maybe I can get rid of this anger and obsession.
“What about this noblewoman? Didn’t you feel sorry for her? Didn’t you feel guilty?”
For the first time, Reyna's eyes twitched.
When I looked into those eyes, I understood. She didn't think about others either.
When she decided to get married, she saw her as a small obstacle that would go away easily rather than a person she should have seriously thought about. Rena thought the same thing.
We considered each other an obstacle, and we did not see each other as a human being.
I felt a strange edge of sadness before hatred, maybe even a little hope. Maybe something would change like magic.
We may understand each other, be able to be compassionate and compromise and move on and walk away from each other, but this talk won't change anything.
Everything remains the same, and we play our part according to the script written for us by fate.
Hate, pain, personal views, cannot be solved with words.
Based on this decision, her words have no meaning.
Everything will remain the same as of now, so we must play our roles according to fate's script.
Hate, pain, personal views, everything has a price to pay for a person who does not think about humanity.
Then suddenly Rena opened her mouth.
“…I had hoped to be born a noble and marry under the sunlight with dignity. I just thought I would be able to do it.”
She might have been lying, but Rena didn't choose this path.
“I didn't feel pain and I didn't feel torment for her... I didn't even feel sorry, maybe.”
Rena dropped her head and began to shiver as if she was cold. She seemed to be afraid of herself.
I wasn't able to say more than that.
“Yes, I understand.”
Then I left her and went back.
Maybe I could understand a little bit behind her honest words. But I didn't do that.
Because I wasn't strong enough.
That conversation you started to actually understand each other made our hearts harden even more.
Maybe I will never forgive her in the future.
I felt very little anticipation for this.
Maybe you felt it too. She did not comment or speak further.
People walk with family as one group, staying away from friends a little, and walking next to loved ones with warmth. However, there are people who are closer than family, friends and loved ones.
These people are, oddly enough, the enemies we hate more than anyone else.
Strong hatred binds us together.
They get so close together that their eyes are only scanning each other.
In this intertwined relationship, they meet to review each other's weaknesses, and when they are within breathing distance, they struggle with their eyes, a relationship of suppressed hostility.
Because they are enemies, when they stumble, they approach quickly and notice the event more quickly and sensitively than anyone else.
Maybe it was, maybe I felt that Rena and Bernhard were very close to me now. They were closely linked to me even though I hated them.
They were a part of my life that couldn't be ignored.
Because they are my enemies, and because they are closer than anyone else, they can feel this strange sensation.
But now, she suddenly felt that they had become very strange.
Something hard to believe.
"Why did you keep pulling her? Why did you keep her by my side and make my life difficult? Was I really giving into something?"
I liked that I had caused so much harm. Maybe you're really obsessed with something.
It was also like those weird thoughts when you bring something very evil into your house, and then ask why you let that creepy thing into your house to begin with.
Now, having turned things and relationships upside down through unbelievable amounts of hate, anger, and obsession, everything that previously seemed so incredibly shameful to me.
I wasn't strong enough to bear all of this.
I wanted to get away.
Away from this balcony, away from Bernhard who is in one of the party places.
Not only with my mind but also with my body.
"Oh, right. I could have a health problem. Can I go home?"
I had no weight in my step and felt like I was flying like a paper doll.
I wasn't able to change things. Maybe you just wanted to receive an unbelievable apology.
But when she got something similar, was it just a dream or was she not even able to feel sorry?.
Or maybe she did what needed to be done. Hate is similar to love, in that it can also end in disappointment.
Suddenly, I felt a shock. The intense pain felt like I had hit a solid wall, and I sat there motionless.
My body was so suppressed that I couldn't control it.
I was completely tangled up like a paper doll falling to the ground, which was very strange.
I was not able to determine whether there was a collision or not because I did not feel it due to the poor sense of reality due to me walking through the air like returning weightless.
I was startled when I looked at the black face in the backlight, as if he was asking me something.
“…Ah….”
Suddenly, tears appeared in my eyes. I became confused when I noticed tears falling between my fingers.
“I'm not sad at all, why am I crying? You already knew I wouldn't receive an apology again, right?”
This was just a stupid way to express anger on my own.
But why was I crying now? What is the true meaning of this work that entails satisfying a feeling of self-satisfaction?.
“No, of course, why did I have expectations at all?”
Maybe because I thought I would feel good after releasing the anger… because I started this with expectations.
Why was I thinking like that, and what did I want?.
When I think I'm stepping forward, I find myself being pushed back. When I thought it was over, there was still more.
“Why am I the only one who fell into this quagmire?”
If it's my fault, I just want to apologize now. But is this really my fault? Is my mistake worth paying this price for?.
Then I tried to stand up with difficulty.
As I regained my balance and stood, I felt a hand reach out to support me.
"Are you well?"
He seemed to have a light breath, but his brow was pure and straight while I noticed that his green eyes appeared full of fatigue.
His soft black hair was neatly arranged, and his white neck caught my attention.
His cold face was calm, but when my eyes met his, that calmness receded, his eyes becoming gentle and friendly.
“Let me help you.” A man with a soft and gentle face said as he held Barqa's arms.
I winced and quickly pulled my arms away from him and said in an anxious tone, “Thank you....”
However, before he left me, I felt weakness in my legs.
As if I was about to collapse like a weak straw doll, the other person quickly grabbed my body.
He said again. “...It seems that you need some help now. At least for a moment until the strength returns to your body. It makes me uncomfortable if I do not support you when you are in need. Will you please allow me to help you for a little while?”
With his calm and gentle way of speaking, considering the other person's attitude and asking from a distance, it was rather obvious that his movements had moved my heart and made it beat….
My tears flowed down my cheeks hotly, I couldn't even save face in front of that man at that time, said the man who was walking with me, holding my hand and supporting me. “You smell beautiful and attractive.
Like a piece of grass wet with night dew. Is it a perfume with a separate name? “His voice was low and soft. “Yes…?” I felt a little surprised and flinched as I threw my head back. I was crying with my head down. Of course, if he had asked why I was crying, I wouldn't have been able to answer.
However, if he had asked I would have been in a very embarrassing position, but he did.
He asked a trivial and unimportant question in a calm voice. I was confused because it was a question that did not fit the situation. But he asked casually. “If this isn't a rude question, I really want to know. Because she smells so good.”
I also want to gift it to my little sister.” Then he smiled softly.
“How about I pay you for helping you answer this question? Then Miss will definitely feel at ease. If she has no debt to me.”
The green eyes that were gently staring at me had the alluring power to rob me of my mind, and his voice, soft and soothing like velvet, simply enchanted me.
He can deal with people easily.
I had vague thoughts that he must be in a position to interact with people a lot.
I forgot the thoughts that were messing with my head for a moment and replied, “…If you want to know it so badly…this scent is a perfume called Balsam of Valerian. However, it would be difficult to buy exactly the same scent because this is my own body scent.”
He replied as if he was sorry. “Okay. Oh, it's the first time I've seen a silver rose and you were wearing it in your hair, but it seems to be very precious so I told the maid to get it, so you can receive it later.”
I didn't even think about it, so I was a little surprised and grabbed a silver rose that was still in my hair and showed it to him. “Ah, it's not of much value because it's a raw rose coated with silver plating. You don't have to worry too much about it.”
He looked into my eyes with his special charm and smiled softly, “I stopped crying now, right.”
Yes? I only realized it when I put my hand on my face that the tears really stopped.