Chapter Thirty-One
.Chapter Thirty-One.
The next day, a letter came from Diana, perhaps because I had disappeared in this way and returned later. There were many conversations and passing things in the letter, but in the end, she was asking how I was doing.
Since I returned without messages or signals, this should have been cause for concern.
“I am a girl who got engaged and broke off, and in front of everyone I burst into tears.”
I started to sigh too.
“I don't think anyone will ever believe again that I'm okay.”
I hesitated for a moment. I was hesitant about whether to respond to the letter in a way that would properly convince her that I was fine, but I had concerns in my mind about my literary ability to convince her of that.
However, the context was still very inappropriate. Even if I write a perfect article showing that I'm fine, people will be skeptical because I still don't believe myself.
But actually, I was really okay.
When the next day came, I felt so much better in my mood that I began to wonder why I had been so upset the day before and became so relaxed that I wondered why.
Maybe it was because of the nice person who sat next to me and helped me in the end.
Or maybe it's because Rena has finally shaken off the last vestiges of doubt.
“I expected and will continue to have expectations, but I am still grateful and feel better.”
If it had been someone else, he might have burst out laughing out loud wondering why I would expect that, but for me, I just sighed.
But this incident helped greatly to organize my thoughts. I realized what I needed to know through my experience yesterday. I had no reason to insist on one thing or to hesitate about another.
It was time for me to leave things to others.
“This was really ridiculous.”
Anyway, Dimitrja will arrange the rest without getting my hands dirty. I'm getting too much pressure from them.
Every time I come up with a way to get revenge, I know that I will hurt more, and that I will never receive an apology. But I still insisted on revenge, which was stupid.
I criticized myself, saying, “I am really stupid, but this is the limit that cannot be crossed even by myself.”
The picture of the noble's party I had witnessed appeared, how I had spent the night, and how I had misbehaved in front of the person I had met for the first time. Until my hair looked messy and messed up in front of people and when I lost my composure, I started talking about my feelings.
I showed myself as if I was losing control and started crying in front of everyone, until everyone turned to me in amazement. How surprised would my mother be? How will noble women be in society?.
If I had not been wise enough to know when to leave things to others, I should have let others in from the beginning.
“Is this the stupid thing to do?”
When I slept and woke up and when I became clear in my thinking, the result was only one.
Not only did I do this to punish her, it was also a punishment for me. So, I have to stay away from her and let things happen as they are.
In any case, she will have a punishment structure ready even if I don't personally intervene.
I left revenge to Dimitrija.
Something went wrong in Bernhard's life, and his qualifications as heir began to be questioned.
There was clear immersion regarding Raina's protection.
The way noble families deal with problems is incredibly cruel and inhumane.
So when I was thinking about hurting Raina, I knew full well that my father wouldn't forgive me even if her dark blue gaze dictated it.
“Of course, even if they did, I don't think I'd hear about a wild story that the sheep guard killed the herd owner.”
Finally, after a long time of thinking, she decided to summon the maid and the castle guard.
As for the maid, Yuri, I said to her: "Yuri, I would like you to take on the role of a guardian in the future to take care of my welfare. I wanted to take care of it myself, but I find myself under the influence of my emotions and I cannot remain calm. Can you do that?"
As I was completing my words, I felt that I had added a very personal reason and because of that I decided to put out the end of the sentence.
After that, I looked at the maid and added: “You don't need to know why I invited you... It's better that I don't know any more news about her. Of course, I will give you all the support you need to ensure that my reputation is not tarnished. But I just hope that I don't get any more news about her. If you will take the responsibilities of finishing this matter, let me know the date of the wedding that is being set.”
Once I see that wedding, I'll actually be able to forget about it. I will completely forget.
Even if I had to die, I would forget. I don't want to lose myself and break down even more.
After I finished speaking, I felt like leaving the place quickly, but when I looked at their kind faces and they responded with a smile as usual and gave my statement kindly, I couldn't help but cry.
I started to hesitate, then said weakly:.
“I’m sorry… Arsene, Yuri. I know I’ve caused a lot of inconvenience with my requests and interference in your affairs. I will offer my support as best I can to maintain my reputation. But I hope you won’t have any more problems. When it’s time for the wedding, please let me know.”
Then, the maid looked at me gently and said gently: "Don't worry. Madam, if you have any similar request, I will be happy to help you with it again and again. I will work hard to make sure that you do not receive any more unimportant information and that things go well."
The guard added confidently: “I will handle matters efficiently so that your reputation is not affected, no matter the situation. I will take the necessary measures to ensure that your name is not tarnished. Trust in us.”
When I looked at their faces and heard their touching words, I felt comfortable and reassured.
It was at this moment that I realized that I had been over-dressing myself in front of people lately.
Finally, with true humility, I said with all sincerity: “Thank you.”
Now, I can live my life in peace. I can do whatever I want.
Now, I'm truly free.
When I thought like this, I suddenly felt confused. At this moment, for the first time, the thoughts and problems that I actually had to face came back.
“So, what do I have to live for now?”
These were strange ideas.
Before this nightmare happened and my life fell apart, I never thought like this. I was living my life normally as if I was breathing, without thinking much about how to live.
“Now I have to think again about how to live and what to do, which is really strange.”
But really, I didn't know how I was supposed to live.
There is nothing in particular that appeals to me. Rather, I felt empty and that there was nothing specific that attracted me. It's not the end, I have to live my life again.
It is up to me to find my old and new parts and put them back together to build myself anew. But I'm not alone.
“My father told me that he would teach me how to work. My mother advised me to relax and enjoy my time...”
People whom I considered superficial in society and who I was afraid to reveal my weaknesses to began to happily call me friends. “Hyde,” who I was afraid would hit me if I revealed myself, still remembered me and called me.
I smiled at this understanding, and I had great ambition nonetheless.
Beginning to know myself again may be difficult, but it is not impossible.
But my decision was strangely affected by an unusual event.
"Listen! Look at these flowers. They were imported from East Asia... They are a peony that is considered the largest flower in the world... This is the first time I see one of these flowers and they are so beautiful... How can they be so romantic?"
Ryssdal asked where these flowers should be placed, but I looked around in amazement and said:.
“There is no empty place around where I can put the flower pots. Since that day, he has overflowed the house with flowers and gifts.”
With all this greenery around me, I didn't know exactly what to do.
I asked my mom and dad what to do, but they only recommended that I do whatever I wanted, and my dad said it was good for changing the mood.
But since the gifts come from more than one person and I can't refuse them all and have no desire to meet them, this was difficult for me.
“For me, there is no place where I can put more flowers.”
I said in surprise.
“I don't know what exactly happened.”
Then Hannah began organizing the gifts and making a list of them, and said in a strange tone:.
“Rissdale said that anyone who saw the lady that day couldn’t resist her. Everyone fell for her at first sight. Haha. They have eyes to see beauty, for sure...”
Then suddenly she exploded and started blaming Rena.
A slight smile formed on my face upon hearing that.
I couldn't tell them what I did at the party that night. That was too painful to even consider the idea. So, I tried to forget these memories.
Of course, I can't forget him easily, but at least the bad memories weren't because of this person.
He had kind green eyes and a cold white face. When I remembered his features, I couldn't help but smile slightly.
Then, while Risdell was arranging the gifts, she suddenly realized and said in surprise.
“Look ma’am, when we talk about this silver rose it looks like it?”
In an instant, she remembered something and immediately stopped talking.
Hanna and Ryssdale also smiled when they saw what I was talking about.
“Oh, it looks like the flower that the lady was wearing on her head that day! But this one is really made of silver. The decoration of the lady’s hair that day seemed really special. What magic...! Who is this, I wonder? What should I do...! It’s a very interesting thing!”
I quickly walked over and stood in front of the flower that Hannah was talking about. Compared to the other big gifts, this seemed pretty simple.
There was a box made of black wood, inside of which was a piece of red cloth and on top of it a rose very carefully made of silver.
“Madam, this is the letter that came with him.”
When I opened the letter, there was no sign of the family or specific sender. The letter was sealed with a simple red candle and a plain logo. When I opened it, I found one card.
I felt a strange acceleration in my heart.
Why, did I know who did this? Was I missing him after all this time?.
But why did he send me this anonymously?.
How was this beautiful and delicate silver rose made?.
While I was busy with questions, I read the beautiful verses on the card in cool, smooth writing.
“I look forward to seeing you again. Apparently, your silver rose will dry out after a while. So, I am sending you an eternal rose made of silver instead.”
Reading the amazing simplicity of the card made my heart skip a beat.
I didn't understand why. Simply put, I didn't know what that meant. It felt like a strange anticipatory feeling.
“Madam, there is another card inside the letter envelope.”
It was an invitation to Countess Lydia's party.
I looked at the invitation in amazement and began to think.
“This place...this was the first time I went out with my mother.”
This club was established by Countess Lydia, who had retired from high social life, and included artists, poets, priests, and others. The event was a unique blend of literature, art and scientific dialogue, characterized by a fun and informal atmosphere.
“I'd been there a few times, and it wasn't bad at all.”