Note: The child is a boy if I used the pronoun “she” meaning “I’m sorry” it was a mistake due to the name becoming confusing
That morning was rather cold, even within the castle walls.
Since it was winter, and Alastair's castle was located in the mountains, cold was expected. Although there were heaters in the populated areas, the ancient castle was very cold in the early morning and dawn.
However, Psyche woke up at dawn feeling very warm. As if a fire was burning inside her.
“Mmm...”
At first, she thought the maid had put a bottle of warm water in the bed. But as time passed, and the temperature remained constant, Psyche half-opened her eyes and looked at what was strange.
“Shilard!”
She found Shelard, her son, breathing hard, like burning embers. I was terrified, so I frantically examined every inch of his body.
Shelard's condition, which was not in good condition, seemed very serious.
Suddenly, the torches lit up in the middle of the night.
Psyche noticed this before Claude entered the room, and she quickly shouted.
"Claude, what do we do? Shellard's body is on fire!"
“…!”
Claude appeared quickly, not dressed properly. He quickly took Shillard into his arms as Saiki handed it to him.
He touched Schildard's forehead and the back of his neck, then looked very surprised.
Shillard's body was burning badly, and his breathing was not good at all.
Saiki's face turned pale due to his condition.
“Doctor, call the doctor. Claude.”
She spoke urgently, tugging on Claude's clothes. Her face looked like she was going to burst into tears at any moment.
“At this hour...!”
Claude, with a puzzled face, was about to speak when Psyche interrupted him.
“Is time important now? Bring anyone. I'll pay more, just say so!”
I exploded in anger.
Schildard, who was burning with fever, remained slouched, unable to regain consciousness.
His whole body was covered in cold sweat, and his face turned pale blue, as if he was someone about to die.
The soul became frightened upon seeing this sight.
I felt like I had lost a child again. The nightmare from the past resurfaced, choking her breath.
Of course, Shelard was not her biological child, but there was a huge emotional struggle in accepting him.
Although he was not her son, she felt affection for him as if he were her own. She was afraid that becoming attached to him would make things difficult.
But now, when she saw Shillard in this painful state, Psyche felt as if she had lost all the sanity she had been struggling to maintain.
“Claude!”
Psyche caught him again.
“I will go to the village first.”
Claude wiped Shillard's sweat and then hugged Psyche again.
“I'll call anyone...anyone.”
Psyche was now in tears.
Yes, don't worry too much, Sera.
Claude consoled Psyche, whose mind seemed to have disappeared.
Claude thought it would not be good to leave her alone with Schildard in this state, so he called the maid Sera, who was standing nearby, to prepare to go out.
Take good care of it. Constantly reassure her that everything will be okay.
Sera nodded firmly at those words.
After Claude spent several years with Psyche, he vaguely sensed that she was suffering from child-related trauma.
Although he did not explicitly delve into her past, he noticed it in her attempts to keep Shillard away from her, her nervous reactions to young children, and her other strange expressions.
Seeing Psyche react with panic at the sight of Schildard's sudden illness only strengthened his conviction.
“What on earth is all this noise...!”
Clint, awakened by the strange, noisy dawn, entered the scene.
“Clint!”
Psyche, her face stained with tears, called Clint urgently.
Clint is initially surprised by Claude's disheveled appearance, but is shocked when he sees Psyche in her nightgown desperately calling to him. He felt as if a white darkness had struck his mind.
Without realizing it, he quickly rushed towards her.
“What, what's going on?”
Psyche gripped the hem of Clint's clothes tightly as she shivered.
Claude was relieved that Psyche would not be left alone in this situation, so he left the room.
“I'll call the doctor.”
Then he nodded politely at Clint.
However, Clint didn't have enough space for Cloud, who was occupied with Saiki clinging to him.
“Ma’am, it might just be a cold. So...”
“What if he dies again? What do I do if he dies again?!”
“He will not die...”
“What if he dies like our child!?”
Saiki shouted, her voice breaking.
“…”
For a while, Clint was speechless.
He didn't know what to say.
“Back then... and even now, it's all my fault.”
Psyche spoke, her voice trembling as she told the story. Her hands holding Clint's clothes were shaking as well.
Tears streamed endlessly down her face, and her eyes lost focus.
She was overwhelmed by the guilt that had haunted her since the day she lost her child.
“At that time, I should have protected the child... I should have protected him. Huh...”
Psyche, overcome with emotions, continued to cry.
"my lady."
Clint called her, trying to comfort her, but his attempt was in vain.
"If I kill a kid again...Clint...please...talk to me."
Emotions and guilt that had been building up for years poured out like a flood.
Clint was at a loss as to what to say.
“Clint... Clint... I killed the kid.
This was all my fault. In fact, I know better than anyone that it was my fault.
If I hadn't made this decision. If I had chosen to protect the child, would the situation have been better? “I've thought about it hundreds of times more.”
From her mouth came unspoken words that she had been unable to say and had kept to herself for years incoherently.
“Huh... the bottom line is that it's all my fault. But I can't kill myself. So I pretended to live as if nothing had happened... Every night, the sound of a baby crying would not leave me!'
Psyche couldn't finish her words, and started crying while holding Schilder.
“My baby... my baby! my baby...”
The crying that she should have cried in the past, was now, years later, flowing from the depths of her being.
"my lady…!"
Sera, who was in a state of extreme shock and unable to respond, approached Saeki.
Clint held Sera back.
“I'll take care of it myself, you can leave.”
“Ah…”
Sera, unable to oppose the Duke's words, quickly bowed and left the room.
“Ma’am, ma’am, look at me.”
Clint gently lifted Psyche, who was crying with Shellard in her arms, and placed her head on the bed.
Then her face was revealed, soaked in tears. Her expression was still sad as if she was lost in the past.
"Clint...I did...I did everything wrong. I'm sorry for not protecting the kid."
Saiki didn't quite realize what she was saying at that moment.
She was now expressing her apologies to Clint, a substitute for the apology she had been unable to convey to the child who was no longer here.
Dead and absent in this place.
For Clint, there was nothing else he could do.
He gently took Schilder from her arms, laid him on the bed, and wiped the tears from Psyche's eyes and cheeks.
“My baby… my baby…”
She was still whispering sadly, her eyes full of tears.
“My baby…”
When he saw her like this, Clint felt an unusual sensation.
It was as if someone was pressing and squeezing his heart.
This feeling was completely new to him.
“My child...can't die.”
Saiki was now somewhat lost in her thoughts, muttering while staring into space.
Perhaps because he thought it wouldn't work, Clint hugged her to his chest.
It looked like she might collapse at any moment.
Even in his embrace, she couldn't stop crying.
“Huh… my baby,… my baby.”
“Ma’am, it is undoubtedly a tragic event for a child to die, but it is not your fault...”
Suddenly, in Clint's arms, Psyche became silent.
Clint thought she had stopped crying, so he lifted her off his chest to examine her face, but he was very surprised.
“Ma’am, ma’am!”
Saeki, who seemed to have poured out a lot of emotions, fainted.
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